Epic Fail

So I'm a music major right? In utero my baby was introduced to the musical greatness of Mozart, Rochmaninoff, Haydn, Bach, and even more obscure composers like Diagilev and Palestrina.

Well thanks to a friend's play list on a blog we have found out that Skylar has a musical preference.

His choice?

Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus.....

Epic Fail.

Things I've Made Recently

So I'll give you a break from all the baby drama :) One of the advantages to having Skylar home though is that we have been better about getting all the pictures off of our camera. I've been planning this post since last August, but was too lazy to transfer the pictures to our computer...Lame? Yes. But since I did wait so long, I now have more creations to add!

One of the things I started getting interested in last summer was cake decorating. My Aunt Laurie makes AWESOME cakes and I wanted to learn a few tricks. I started off with my own birthday cake that she helped me put together. It isn't the best, and cracked on the way drive back from Layton, but everybody has to start somewhere right?



It was super yummy though and was a raspberry cake with chocolate filling. I also made the same cake (by special request) for my sister Brittny's birthday in November, but I don't think I did anything special with it and can't find any pictures of it :)

The next birthday was Ryan's in January. He wanted a boring vanilla cake, but I convinced him to let me put a whipped cream filling with strawberries in the middle. This one also received rave reviews, and I was more pleased with the quality of the decorating on this one.

In honor of his love of all things BYU, we went with just a simple "Y". Not necessarily explicitly birthday, but still fun!

I branched out a little bit next and made an ice cream cake for Valentine's Day. It was layers of chocolate and vanilla ice cream with a cookie crumble filling in the middle. I didn't have a recipe for this one and just kinda made it up as I went. It turned out marvelously though, but I wouldn't ask for the recipe...I just can't remember what I did :) In my defense, I was still in the throes of the first trimester of pregnancy at the time and didn't think to write it down!

Not the most creative decoration, but like I said...I was in the middle of morning sickness!

The next cake I made was in celebration of our ultrasound. Since we didn't do anything fun to announce that we were having a baby, I wanted to do something fun for announcing our "flavor of baby." So I made a cake and decorated it and then sent pictures to my family and friends to make the announcement.
This one was a layer of vanilla cake and a layer of strawberry cake with a chocolate filling and chocolate frosting. For some reason my entire second trimester was all about chocolate and strawberry. Not separate, but together. Basically Neapolitan ice cream and I were best friends :)

This one is out of order, and not really in keeping with the genre, but I've also made lots of cheesecake for weddings, showers, birthdays, etc. It is basically the most perfect recipe so I haven't thrown any variety into it at all. It is a chocolate raspberry layered cheesecake and is my absolute favorite thing ever. I did try it with semi-sweet chocolate like the recipe calls for, but I quickly decided that I was correct in using milk chocolate instead. It even looks pretty when it is done!
This one I made to celebrate the birth of my nephew Sam! Half of our family was in Utah celebrating, so I made this for those of us stuck in California to celebrate with :)

My other recent creation has been a slew of baby blankets. I came up with this pattern when I had mono while Ryan and I were engaged. I was down and out for the count for a long time so while I was just lying in bed I decided to make a blanket. I wanted it to be big enough to cover a twin bed, or for two adults to snuggle under while watching a movie. It was huge and took me hours to complete, but was super pretty.


It probably took me about 50 hours to finish though so I decided to scale it down and make baby blankets instead. The first one I made was for my friend Heather and her baby Ethan. I don't have a picture of it, but it was white squares with blue piping.

The next one I made was for my friend Becky and her baby Khloe. I stuck with the white squares, but did purple piping instead.
The next two blankets I made while on bedrest/recovering from a C-section. The first one I made was for my friend Jeanine and her baby boy (tentatively named Micah). Her nursery is a dinosaur theme with blue, green, and orange.



This was also when I decided to start documenting my blankets before giving them away :)

The next blanket is special because it is made from yarn that I got from my great-grandma Bonnie. She passed away a year and a half ago and left all her yarn with my grandma. She in turn gave it to me. I made this blanket (and will probably make many more based on the trash bag of yarn I came home with).



Finally (kinda, I left a few blankets out because I didn't have pictures), I made a blanket for my own baby! My theme for his nursery is pretty boring, just brown and blue. I'm not really a fan of all the baby animal prints that they have out there, and so I'm just sticking with prints that are simple like polka dots or stripes. If we had a girl it would have been chocolate brown and lavender. This one is my favorite blanket, not only because of how it looks...but mostly because I get to wrap my little man in it everyday!

The one on the right is the back of the blanket, and used to be attached to the first one. I'm going to re-attach them when it starts to get cold again, and use it to cover his stroller or carseat when we go outside. It took FOREVER to make and stitch, so if you ever receive one of these from me, you will now that I love you dearly. I still probably love you even if I don't make you one of these blankets, but if you get one of them just consider it a super big compliment.

That's about it! Hopefully I'll be able to add to the collection as the years go on :)

Finding Strength

I've found recently that being a new mom gives you a lot of time to think. I'm not stuck with a bunch of errands to run (probably because I'm only the mom of one), and I actually just stay inside with a baby who eats and sleeps. This being the case, I've had a lot of time to reflect on the things that have happened recently. As you can imagine, Skylar's delivery wasn't exactly what I had planned for it to be. In fact it was quite scary and intense at times, but I was never anxious for the health or well-being of myself or my baby. This was because of the priesthood blessings I had received prior to Skylar's birth.

When we found out that I had preeclampsia we started making plans to be ready for Skylar to come early. One of the things that I felt I really needed was a priesthood blessing. This seemed silly since I was still five weeks away from my due date, but despite all of that, the night before I was induced I asked Ryan and my brother-in-law Eric to give me a blessing. In the blessing, we were told that the labor would be difficult (little did we know just HOW difficult), but that it would be that way because of the great things that Skylar has to do in this life. Strangely enough, this was the most comforting thing for me to hear. I didn't like the fact that the labor would be difficult, but I knew that it would all be for a purpose....and that Skylar would make it out whole.

During our second night in the hospital, our bishop came to visit us. This was after Skylar's heart rate had taken some scary dips, and things weren't looking so good. He and Ryan gave me another blessing at this time, and during it Bishop Meredith didn't so much talk about Skylar, but talked about me and the work that I have to do in this life, and blessed me with comfort and peace to get through the labor. This may not seem significant, and at the time I mostly just felt comforted by the blessing. However, during the events of the next day I found strength from both of these blessings.

I only once opened my eyes when I was in the OR for my C-section. I didn't want to be there, and if I kept my eyes closed I was able to pretend like I wasn't there. Juvenile? Yes...but it got me through it. Because of this, I have a somewhat limited recollection of exactly what happened while I was there. Ryan was there too, and since I'm a somewhat queasy individual when it comes to blood and guts and such, I asked him to not tell me anything about what happened there unless I specifically asked. We were talking last night about it and he happened to let slip that when I thought I had been put under by the anesthesiologist, I actually hadn't been knocked out, but had passed out. Apparently this was when they realized that I hadn't been lying about feeling the incision, and started to worry that I would go into cardiac arrest because of all the pain I had been feeling. Considering Skylar's heart rate had disappeared, I'm guessing this wasn't exactly the best case scenario my doctor would have liked. Now she had to worry about keeping me AND my baby alive.

I only bring this up because throughout the entire delivery I never once worried about the outcome. I knew that no matter what happened, my baby and I would both be alive and well. My mom was there during the scary parts, and she told me later how scared she was that we would lose Skylar. I never once let this cross my mind, not because I considered it an unthinkable horror, but because I had been promised in blessings that he would grow and develop and live a full life. This helped me so much during the scariness of our delivery because I never started to freak out about everything that was going on. Instead I was able to just close my eyes, and focus on getting us to the end of the journey. I'm grateful for the priesthood blessings we received because it gave me assurance that everything would turn out just fine, and considering the scary turns we had to take, just knowing we would make it out alive was a necessity.

I've had a lot of people ask me lately why I always seem to get stuck with the hard stuff in life. It seems that anytime I set out to do something I get the hard route. I had some scary health issues during high school, and doctor's offices and I have become fast friends....or acquaintances at least :) Some have offered the opinion that I get to do hard things because I'm strong. I sometimes tend to wonder if I bring a lot of it upon myself through choices that I make, but every time I start to say that whoever I'm talking to starts to tell me that I'm ridiculous since nothing I could have done would have changed my trial. I still think it anyway...

I think the main reason I get to do all the hard things that nobody else wants to (if I had the choice I wouldn't want to do them either) is because I handle it. This isn't because of anything I have that others don't, but because of the faith I have that everything that happens has a purpose, and that the knowledge that I will be supported and comforted in my trials. One of the scriptures that has been running through my mind lately is Philippians 4:13 which says, "I can do all things in Christ which strengtheneth me."

One of the nurses in the NICU remarked to my mom that I was very strong (she's obviously never seen me try to do a pull-up... Apparently I seemed very pulled together, but mostly I'm just too stubborn to cry in public). This is false. I am in fact very weak. I get upset by the most trivial of things, and I am far too self-centered for my own good. However, whenever I've met my hardest trials I've been smart enough to give up. Not give up on the trial, but give up trying to do it by myself. It has been during my moments of physical weakness that I have found the most spiritual strength. This has come through relying on the Lord and letting Him work with me and help me through the trial.

I think this is why I get stuck with the "hard things." Not because I'm so strong and can handle it, but because I need to be reminded that I can't do everything by myself. My trials have helped me to be grateful for the atonement and the sacrifices that have been made so I don't have to do everything by myself. I still can't say that I look forward to my next big trial, but I feel blessed in knowing that when it does come I'll be able to handle it. Not on my own, but through Christ, because He does strengthen me.

Sorry for the novel of a post. One of my English teachers told me I liked the sound of my own voice too much (later she told me that she likes the sound of my voice too....but that editors and college professors might not be as entertained by my wordiness). I figure though that this is my blog so I can write as much as I want! You're the one that chose to read it :P

He's Home!

After two and a half weeks of being separated, we're finally all back together again! I can't tell you how exciting and natural it feels to have Skylar home with us, and we are grateful to the doctors, nurses, and therapists at the NICU who have made it so he can be here with us. This journey has definitely been long, difficult, and nothing like what we had planned, but all in all it has been completely worth it. I'm sure Skylar will begin to wake up more and wear me out in the next few weeks, and I'll start to maybe wish that I could drop him off at the NICU for a few hours while I take a nap. However, in the future when I start to think of how much being a mom wears me out and how I wish I could sleep more, I will remember how content I was to finally lay our son down in his bed and know that he gets to stay with us forever.

I think he is happy to be home too!

Skylar and his daddy, pretty much a smaller version of the other.

We weren't able to get a picture of all of us together, but we're looking forward to getting family pictures taken once Skylar has chunked up a little more and I have lost the swelling and baby weight :)

Back at the Hospital

This time it is a good thing though! Skylar has been doing really well with his feedings and they have been advancing him steadily through their protocols. He has taken four feedings a day consistently and the next step is a 12-hour request period. Basically I hang out here all day and whenever he wants to eat....I feed him. If he does well with this, then they take out his feeding tube and they watch him for a 24-hour period while he gets all of his nutrition from a bottle or the breast. This will be an extra good thing since he has pulled out his feeding tube of his own accord twice in the past day. He then proceeds to cry when they put it back in. Apparently he wants to leave just as much as I do :) Pray that he continues to do well and we get him out of here this weekend!

Hospital Funnies

So since we spent a lot of time in the hospital this last month (and will probably still be spending lots of time there in the coming weeks) we have made good friends with many nurses and staff who now greet us by name. We feel like very special VIPs because we rarely have to give anybody our code to get in since they usually recognize us and buzz us in. I've felt recently that my blog has been getting a little bleak lately so in an effort to lighten the mood I'm going to share some funnies from our time spent in the hospital.

One of the funnier ones involves "passing gas." I apologize for writing about this on a blog, but I'm sure at least my 16-year-old brother will enjoy the story. Since I was induced on Monday night and didn't have Skylar until Wednesday afternoon it had been two and half days since I had eaten. They don't let you eat when you're in labor because of nausea so you're basically limited to clear fluids and ice chips....not the most substantial meal in my opinion. This didn't work since I threw up anyways, but apparently they enjoy torturing laboring women by not letting them eat before going through some of the hardest physical work imaginable. Go figure. Anyways since I had a C-section one of the concerns they have is that your digestive system begins working before they will feed you anything. So although I had already given birth to Skylar they wouldn't feed me until I had "passed gas."

Well, Thursday morning rolled around and I finally farted. Normally I wouldn't want to share this information with the world, but since it meant I would finally get a decent meal I was telling everybody! Did I mention that I hadn't eaten since Monday? Once Ryan woke up I shared with him my exciting news. He wasn't that impressed and gave me a weird look, so I waited for him to take a shower and then told him again. He still didn't get it so finally I told him to go tell the nurse that I farted. I wish so much that I could have been there for that conversation. That poor man had already been through a lot, and now his wife who was still a little loopy from pain-killers and was currently being dosed up with lots of magnesium was making him share with a complete stranger that his wife had displayed evidence of a working digestive system. What a champ.

Skylar's Progress

So some of you might be a little bit confused as to why Skylar is in the NICU. Since he was born 5 weeks premature he has a condition known as Respiratory Distress Syndrome. This is just a fancy way of saying he has a hard time breathing on his own. When he was first born they had him on a C-Pap which did a lot of his breathing for him. That only lasted for a day and then they switched him to a breathing tube. This didn't supply oxygen for him, but rather gave him a feed of pressurized air. This helped him to more fully expand his lungs and have something to work against to help build the muscles he needs to breathe on his own. They've been slowly decreasing his pressure over the last week, and as of last night he no longer has a breathing tube! He has been doing great on his own, and it is looking very promising that he will be able to continue breathing without any foreign devices.
No more breathing tube!

He is also currently receiving fluids and antibiotics through an IV. This is probably the saddest treatment he has to endure in my opinion, but I also am not a fan of needles :) He started off with an IV in his hand which they eventually moved to his head, then moved again to his other hand, and back to his head. Since his veins are so tiny they have a hard time supporting the IVs for very long and the veins eventually end up collapsing. We're hopeful that this last IV in his head will be his last one. Since his feedings have been increasing they have been gradually decreasing the amount of fluid he receives via the IV and they think he will be able to come off of it completely sometime this evening or tomorrow. This will make his mama very happy since the sight of a needle in her son's head is not pleasant. We did manage to get a picture of him when he didn't have any IVs in his head (there had been a point when he had one on each side as they were still flushing the other one and had started a new one). I love that he has so much dark hair and the fact that they gave him a hairstyle reminiscent of his daddy's!

The last invasive tube that he has right now is a feeding tube. He receives most of his nutrition through that, but we have also been practicing breast-feeding twice a day. Once his IV is out they will start weighing him before and after feedings. So far he is doing well at latching and even does well with sucking, but we can't be sure how effective these feedings are until all of his fluids come from nursing rather than through an IV. Once we can determine if he is actually receiving milk from nursing they will start increasing his feedings until he is only receiving milk from me rather than through the tube in his nose. We are excited for that day, because at that point he will be allowed to come home!

We are pleased with all of the progress he is making and know that it is because of the faith and prayers that have been issued on his behalf. It has been very touching for me to hear how many people are praying for him. Our ward held a special fast for both him and I as we are still in the recovery process, and I know that it is because of the fasting and prayers that he has been able to make steady progress. The doctors and nurses keep reminding us that everything we are asking of him is something that we wouldn't expect him to grasp for another 5 weeks, so his progress may rollercoaster a little bit. They keep telling us to expect that he won't be discharged until his due date (October 5), but we are very hopeful that he will come home to us sooner. It is very strange to only be able to spend 2 hours with this little man after having him with me 24/7. Whatever happens, we know the Lord is in control of the outcome and that when he does come home he will be able to be healthy and more capable of living normally.